I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
