Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
