I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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