I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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