I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
