Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
