i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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