My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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