Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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