I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
