Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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