You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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