apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you didnt know i had herpes?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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