We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize