clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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