his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
