Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
