I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
