my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
