no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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