Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
