Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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