This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
