We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
