so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
