tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
