we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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