no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Welp...herpes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
