took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
