Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
