I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
