aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
