after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
