After last night, I could never be a politician.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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