The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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