question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My ass is underappreciated
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
