My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
