in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
