why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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