I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
