He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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