Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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