Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
