I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
