they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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