haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have demons in me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
