You're a womanizer and a bitch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
