You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
