She is in my trunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
