apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
