the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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