Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
