i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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